When you think of pain, most people think of a burn, a broken bone, or even a scrape. I, too think of those as painful, but I find the shower pressure and the goosebumps incredibly excoriating. The readers here might find it strange that I say that along with the people I tell, but it is true and it is due to my Central Pain Syndrome. I am so overly sensitized that some of the very things everyone loves I despise.
There have been and still are so many days that I curl up in fetal position trying to get the goosebumps to stop hurting. I try to do what I can to warm up including rubbing my arms so hard I’m surprised my skin hasn’t fallen off. I have learned that the heated blanket is my best friend and if I could take it everywhere with me I probably would.
I used to hate showering when I was younger, but not because it hurt, but because it took time away from doing what I wanted to do. Now looking back, I wish I hadn’t taken it for granted because now from the moment I step into the shower I end up combining shampoo and conditioner in one step just so I could get out that much faster. Don’t get me started on shaving. My skin burns for days after.
The things that are brain knows is supposed to hurt still hurts, but because of how I am I don’t always realize It’s an injury. As some of you who know me know I separated my shoulder a little over a year ago. I was in a lot of pain, but the x-rays were clear and i was told it would take a while to get better. 6 months in I wasn’t any better and after going through a shot, resting, icing, anti-inflammatory they decided surgery to remove the swollen piece of the collarbone would be a good option. Thankfully I did because they found a piece of broken bone hiding that the MRI had never picked it up. At that point I had a broken shoulder for 10 months without ever really knowing because I thought it was my central pain acting up.
Everything has its good and bad points even having health issues. I guess my CPS helped make my regular pain a higher tolerance because normally I wouldn’t have lasted as long. On the other hand, mostly everything else is bad. Like having the issues with my goosebumps or the shower.
Like everybody says we tend to take our daily tasks for granted due to them coming easily for us, well, at least until it’s gone. I miss the days of wearing whatever I wanted because most times my body can only handle sweatpants. As you probably guessed my skin will itch, bruise and make marks from wearing leggings ands jeans for too long.
I try to let people close to me in as well as all of you, but it can be hard especially if someone doesn’t understand what I am going through. I find the best way it explain it is to describe how it feels using descriptions that everyone will understand. Some of my favorites are wanting to rip my skin off with goosebumps, or showering feels like razor blades.
I hope that one day we won’t be a society that only believes pain is real when it is physically seen. We are all human and pain is pain. We don’t realize how good we have it until something is gone and for me that is being able to survive the cold and being able to deal with simple touch.
Together we can help each other to BE FOREVER STRONG.